Never hang out with Robbie Williams fans

Quoted from: http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk

'Tam Cowan
FRANK SINATRA, Engelbert Humperdinck, Neil Sedaka, Tony Bennett, Dean Martin, Andy Williams, Matt Monro, Tony Christie and Sydney Devine.
Put them all together and you know what? The wonderful Robbie Williams would still be a better singer.
OK, folks, now I've surely done enough to guarantee seeing Mrs Cowan in her birthday suit once again, here's what I really thought about Saturday night's trip to Hampden Park...
The fact I agreed to attend the concert instead of staying at home and watching Test The Nation: The National IQ Test on BBC1 probably means I'm a total dunce.
To be honest, though, I'm willing to wager half the crowd inside the stadium couldn't even spell 'IQ' and I felt as though I was stuck inside an aircraft hanger with 30,000 wannabes from The X Factor.
No, hang on. It was actually more like attending the AGM of the Vicky Pollard Appreciation Society.
To suggest our £45 seats were quite far from the stage is an understatement.
"Excuse me," I said to the guy selling the binoculars, "do you have any Hubble telescopes?"
Waiting for the show to start, Icouldn't help noticing the lad sitting in front of us had cotton wool in his lugholes. Do you think he had an ear infection - or was he simply a music lover? I've always thought Robbie is reminiscent of one of those baw-heid pub karaoke hosts who never gives anyone else a shot of the microphone.
And, after showing off his latest tattoo to the ladies (maybe old Steak 'n' Kidney should wow the women at the Pavilion this year by revealing the scar from his triple bypass operation) he urged the females to flash some flesh.
"Come on, I wanna see some tits!" he roared. His request was granted just a few moments later when Jonathan Wilkes strolled onto the stage.
If the line hadn't already been used 40 years ago at the Glasgow Empire when Mike Winters was joined on stage by his brother Bernie, I'd have been tempted to roar: "Oh Christ, there's two of them!"
The host of You've Been Framed (did I mention it was 45 quid for a ticket?) helped Robbie to murder a couple of songs synonymous with the great Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jnr.
Yep, let's hear it for Williams and Wilkes - The Crap Pack.
They then kicked a few footballs into the Hampden crowd. Sorry to keep going on about the £45 tickets, but you could watch that sort of stuff at any Queens Park game for a fraction of the price.
Nobody was injured. Well, apart from yours truly. On the way to the toilet, I tripped over the exposed breasts of a 43-year-old Robbie fan from Coatbridge.
And she was sitting on her boyfriend's shoulders at the time.
Robbie dedicated one of his hits to Colin Montgomerie, but I've no idea if the Scots golfer joined in the fun by getting his claret jugs out.
Another song - Sin Sin Sin - was performed as a tribute to the Scotland squad.
Shocking, eh?
After a resounding 6-0 victory against the Faroe Islands, surely Kris Boyd and Co. deserved better than a record that peaked in the charts at No.22?
'They then kicked a few footballs into the Hampden crowd. Sorry, but you could watch that at a Queens Park game'